So I just had my company holiday party. You know, the kind where people politely stand around kibitzing about PC topics such as children, family, work (duh), the weather, that new TV show that just aired, while enjoying plentiful horderves and slowly sipping on their alcoholic beverages?
Yeah, mine wasn’t like that. At all. 24 hours later and I’m finally sober enough to write…. maybe.
My company is fairly small and not like your average place of employment. 95% of them are socially awkward beyond any sense of the definition (myself being one of them) and about half are tech persons who can barely look at a female let alone speak to one in coherent sentences. It’s pretty much definition of “Lets get a group of people together that you can’t take anywhere, and take them somewhere.” And with that, in an event that is akin to herding cats everyone was round up to a nice restaurant and then given an open bar. If you give functioning alcoholics enough alcohol a point WILL be reached during the evening where they stop functioning well or, in some cases, at all.
So… instead of the company work do looking like this….
You know… NORMAL. Normal people, doing normal things, drinking normal amounts of champagne, wearing normal hats, and looking happily NOMRAL.
To the best of my memory, albeit it mostly gone, I recall my company holiday party being more like this….
Holy shit this website is girly as FUCK but that’s ok for now. I am the Clever Monk. I don’t have much of a backstory to share with you but know this, the interview I had with your highness was a process I wish upon no man. Remember that scene in A Clockwork Orange where Alex was forced to watch violent videos with his eyelids pinned open? It was EXACTLY like that but with chick flicks and the entire series of Sex and the City. Fortunately, she couldn’t find her Magic Mike Blu-Ray so I might have dodged a bullet there. 6 hours later, I was a free man and a newly recruited contributor to this blog.
So what will I write about? Definitely not how I feel about Carrie screwing over Aiden by cheating on him with Mr. Big. OH HELL NO. Sorry Minx, but after the interview I rented Expendables 2 and every other goddamn Jason Statham movie I could get my hands on to wash away your filthy romance crap. I will write and rant about AWESOME SHIT. So be ready!
Minx, consider this my acceptance letter.
P.S. I have your Magic Mike DVD.
data-text=”Clever Monk, at your service. via @thecleverminx” data-url=”http://www.cleverminx.com/2012/12/clever-monk-at-your-service/”
Reposting this from Head of Rothchild as it’s too funny to not. And I’ve been slacking on updates so you can just read about this cacophony of auditory garbage… Enjoy.
At this point you’re probably thinking I might have uploaded the wrong picture for the a post containing our infamous Shitty Rappers series but don’t worry, that’s them. They go by The Jolley Brothers but would be better suited if they were called the depression brothers because nothing about their music is Jolly (see what I did there?). These two Abercrombie throwaways come from somewhere called Portsmouth, VA where they claim to sell out every show they perform at and are going on a 45 city tour.
I’m typically late to a lot of parties, both IRL and otherwise, but when I finally find the bandwagon that’s when things start to get crazy.
I pretty much respond well to most things with a good beat and this track is definitely on that list. Not to mention it boasts the absolutely disgustingly amazing digital art of Sam Spratt. Also, I take no issue with people giving away quality music for free. As Childish Gambino has done here. Actor turned artist. This kid has talent.
A 2 time US Disco Mix Club champion with turntablism skills that rival the best of them and a penchant for pumping out tracks that will get you off your ass and smashing shit or making unruly love on the dance floor (remember: practice safe sex, kids), Klever is no stranger to pleasing crowds across the globe. Whether it’s ripping off his shirt and exposing his tattoo’d laden body while screaming on the mic and hyping the crowd into a epileptic dance frenzy, or seriously fucking shit up with quicker-than-lighting cuts and live edits on the 1’s and 2’s, he is sure to catch your attention and will have you craving and coming back for more of his unique brand of high quality aural heroin.
And he’s not stopping there! His new track, “To the Top” calls on some of his southern roots with some Southern Baptist Lord’a Mercy! Clap your hands!-type vocals coupled with a quirky twerked out beat are just the beginning (I’m bouncing around in my chair as I write this/listen to the track right now).
This song makes me want to rise above it all and met Jesus, just like it tells me to, or something like that. If heaven has music like this then sign me the fuck up, but you bet your ass there better be an open bar up there. The build and risers are sure to have you peaking AT LEAST twice before it drops into an absolutely funky combination of what can only be described as funk, funk, bubbles, and more funk; that bassline as much bounce for days as a strippers booty. Go on… have a listen for yourself and TELL ME YOU DIDN’T START MOVING TO IT. I DARE YOU.
Oh, also, did I mention that he’s giving away this track, FOR FREE!?!? Well… he is! Cop it while you can.
And we can’t forgot what might even be the best part of the entire god damn track, the official music video. If seeing Klever disrobe before your very eyes at a club isn’t enough, you can now watch (ON REPEAT IF YOU LIKE) 3 minutes and 38 seconds of this tattoo’d shirtless wonder on his version of an afternoon jog around Atlanta wearing animal masks, doing aerobics, and just being a general menace to society. Those who have bugged out visual induced seizures or generally hate all things that are awesome can probably skip the video and head straight here. For those of you who have your shit together (at least on a musical level, you can keep your other addictions and bad habits to yourselves, please) carry on with the eye candy that is Klever’s new official video.
I had the dumb luck of stumbling upon Submotion Orchestra recently and I’ve not been as inspired to write music as I have been lately. If sex covered in honey on a warm summer’s day had any other sound that the sloshing and sticking it does, these guys (and girl) are exactly what it would sound like.
The remixes are beyond sexualll as well, you are guaranteed to get laid with these. I promise. Alix Perez brings the rolling basslines and sultry vocals next level with his remix.
True Tiger wraps up the remixes with a punchy drum beat and writhing bassline that will have you singing & head nodding in your desk or shaking your ass around whatever space you have available.
This girls voice gets me each time. Poignant lyrics and a smokey vibrato that gains a firm grip on your entire soul for the duration of each track. Check out their other stuff, one of my personal favourites being the acoustic version of “All yours” (link to video at the bottom).
data-text=”Submotion Orchestra – It’s Not Me, It’s You (& Remixes) via @thecleverminx” data-url=”http://www.cleverminx.com/2012/05/submotion-orchestra-its-not-me-its-you-remixes/”
Something terrifying is happening on television. I thought it was a joke at first. I’d just taken a shower, when I heard the low distorted notes of what sounded like a dubstep track pulled inside out and backwards. I wandered into my living room… what the fuck is this? A commercial? A commercial for NERDS? Why is Nerds candy doing this? Don’t get me wrong, the visual aspect is TIGHT. Looks great—LOOKS great. But what’s with that track? Did they hire a shitty producer? …Or are they iDosing us? Remember iDosing, and how it threatened to crumble civilization for those three weeks back in 2011? Good times. I never got around to trying it, but I guess it doesn’t matter, because every time I see that Nerds commercial I feel like I’m supposed to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia.
What’s the deal? Am I totally offending someone’s “hard/creative” work right now? I feel like the marketing team behind Wonka Candy was just like “HEY I KNOW. THOSE RAVER DUBSTEPPER KIDS LIKE CANDY, RIGHT? THEY EAT CANDY IN THE RAVES AND GIVE BACKRUBS AND BRACELETS TO EACHOTHER. LET’S DO A COMMERCIAL THAT MAKES THEM THINK ABOUT THAT, AND THEN THEY WILL BRING NERDS TO THEIR RAVES.” well, yes, I mean, I enjoy candy, but I mean… whats a Raver Dubstepper, now? I can’t bring any Nerd-type candy into ANY show in Los Angeles, so that’s a no go for me right off the bat. I try to bring in a fucking pack of gum and they threaten to tase me.
I saw Diplo tweeted a link to this, and I knew I was not the only person confused if not angered by this commercial. What is going on here? We all understood that 2011 marked the total integration of EDM into mainstream Pop Music… but is this the result? Some backwards mutated brain child from a half-wit producer who probably hates “that damn Techno music” and rolled his eyes when the big wigs above him told him “make some of that Dubstep stuff the kids like so much these days.” !?!
…I don’t think I’ll be eating Nerds for again for awhile. Not until the Prime Minister of Malaysia is out of the picture.
data-text=”What’s With that Nerds Commercial? via @thecleverminx” data-url=”http://www.cleverminx.com/2012/05/whats-with-that-nerds-commercial/”
Through unprecedented access to TAKI 183, CORNBREAD, and a host of other legendary writers, Wall Writers tells the story of a time when underprivileged city kids refused to keep lurking in the shadows, when the streets were so wild that fame and infamy became indistinct, when art became a democracy and self-promotion became an art.
data-text=”Wall Writers Promo Video via @thecleverminx” data-url=”http://www.cleverminx.com/2012/04/wall-writers-promo-video/”