‘Tour rage’ coming to a city near you.

I haven’t posted in ages. That’s because I’ve been too busy drinking and ruining my life being productive and making good life choices.

On a completely related note: I’m going to Vegas soon. I haven’t been since I was a little kid. And for anyone who knows anything, Vegas when you’re under the age of 21 (much less under 12) is like taking an infant to a strip club and expecting them to enjoy it. Sure they might appreciate the tits, for a completely different reason than they’re actually present for, but for the most part it’s the general attitude of “What the fuck am I doing here? I don’t even know what alcohol is yet so there is absolutely nothing within my realm of knowledge that could possibly make this more interesting.”

In short, this is my amazing artistic rendition of what Vegas might (probably will) look like.

Considering that when I normally go out a Vegas like shit-show generally ensues, I’m rather terrified of what is going to actually happen IN Vegas. Not that I don’t trust myself, it’s just that I trust myself a bit too much. Drunk-self is fun, L.O.T.S. of fun. Drunk-self also likes to run off into the forest in foreign countries to be later found by the limo driver, stay after hours in hostel bars with strange people who barely speak English feeding me mojitos, and double fist pint glasses of vodka red-bull early in the night, while wandering through yet another forest, as well as buy sober-self plane tickets to random destinations. Among many other things…

I will report back or DIE!

UPDATE: I just saw a photo of my friend’s friend who we’re staying with. It’s him (yes HIM) in pantyhose (ONLY Pantyhose) posing on a bed with a captain’s hat on. I will not be reporting back. We are going to DIE